The Basics of Gender and Sexuality: A guide for anyone lost in all the discourse

Just like how it might be challenging to decipher and understand the difference between race and ethnicity or religion as these concepts can be very closely intertwined, many of us might sometimes catch ourselves being confused by the difference between gender and sexuality.

In this introduction to gender and sexuality, we will bring you through everything you need to know to better understand what these words truly mean. 

This is an important topic to educate ourselves on as being aware of these terms can help us build a more accepting and inclusive society. This helps to strengthen relationships as well. By taking the step to understand how and why people identify themselves in a certain manner we are signaling to them that they are seen and heard. Most importantly, it shows care, understanding, and acceptance. People will feel included in this world if more of us take the time to understand the nuances of gender and sexuality better. 

Let us start with gender. What is gender? 

Gender has been socially categorised as one identifying themselves as being male, female, or nonbinary. The biological sex of one is assigned at birth and gender is usually the categorisation of the sex of the person at birth. It is important to note, biologically someone can be intersex as well. 

So, why is gender a big deal and why is it important to pay attention to it?

Gender impacts everyone’s lived experiences and how everyone interacts with the world. From the moment a child is born gender norms and practices affect almost every aspect of someone’s life. 

For example, gender has a very real impact on access to healthcare. Harmful gender norms also impact many aspects of people’s lives from access to education to the gender pay gap, for instance. Gender is everywhere and if we were to ignore it, we would be ignoring a lot of world issues. 

Then, what is sexuality?

According to the Sexuality Education Resource Centre, sexuality is a word we use to talk about how we understand our bodies and how we understand our relationships’. 

One of the key things to take note of when understanding sexuality is knowing that sexuality is self-defined. This means that when someone says “I am asexual”, they are defining their sexuality as such. One might also choose not to put a conventional definition to their sexuality as once again, words like ‘lesbian’, ‘gay’, or ‘bisexual’ are terms that society has come up with. These terms do not exist in nature. Hence, someone may also not choose to define themselves as ‘straight’ or ‘asexual’ for that matter.

There are many factors that contribute to how one might view their sexuality and it can be ever-changing throughout one’s life. As seen below in the Sexuality Wheel beautifully created by the Sexuality Education Resources Centre, things like our values and beliefs or our bodies help us to define who we are in terms of sexuality and enable us to gain a better understanding of our bodies and the relationships we have with people. 

It is important to recognise that not everyone will be comfortable sharing what they sexually identify as. Hence, it is vital that we respect people’s decisions and their privacy. Allowing our peers the space to grow and define themselves as they wish is key to building strong relationships. 

Understanding the use of Pronouns

It is common practise in this age to share what pronouns we prefer to be referred to as. Such as stating that we would like to be referred to as, ‘he/him’, ‘she/her’, or ‘they/them’. 

Why is it important to respect and address people by their preferred pronouns?

By using inclusive language we are signaling to our peers that we see them and that we respect their gender identities and them as people. By using the correct pronouns we are drastically decreasing experiences of depression, social anxiety, suicidal ideation, and other negative mental health factors as proven by multiple academic studies. 

For many of us, this might be a wildly new concept or something that is unfamiliar. However, if we were to allow some space in our minds and hearts we might recognise that ignoring someone’s wish to be identified in a certain way is oppressive. To never have had a day to worry about our pronouns is a privilege that many of us may need to recognise. We may not realise it but refusing to acknowledge someone’s identity can be very hurtful and disrespectful.

A wrap-up

For starters, to make it easier for us to recognise the difference between sexuality and gender here is something we could use. 

When someone says, “I identify as lesbian” they are referring to their sexuality. When someone says, “I identify as male” is referring to their gender.

Another example to clear up common misunderstandings is recognising that an individual who identifies as transgender can also choose to identify as straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, or anywhere along the sexuality spectrum. For instance, an individual who has transitioned from male to female and is attracted to males only may choose to identify herself/themself as a straight woman. She/they can also identify as a lesbian woman if she is attracted to women.

There is so much more to talk about when it comes to gender and sexuality. It is something that impacts all our lives, every single day. At the risk of information overload, we will go more deeply into these topics in the articles to come.